If you are hesitant to open up a dialogue on your own, you can work with a couples counselor to explore these issues. He might be hurt to learn that you are not satisfied with your relationship, but he also may be relieved to finally be talking about it. I encourage you to get the support you feel you need in broaching these topics with your husband. You both deserve better than that-as does your relationship. Imagine, however, the depth of hurt when one is blindsided by a request for a divorce with no indication that one’s partner is unhappy. These conversations can be challenging, often because we are afraid to hurt those we care about. Figuring out which path is for you should be, at the very least, a conversation rather than a unilateral decision. There are others who decide that separation or divorce is the best option for them. ![]() There are some who stay married, yet change the expectations of their relationship so each can get their needs met. There are couples who work together to reignite the “spark” that has faded. You can’t know unless you begin communicating with each other. It may be that he also feels unsatisfied and doesn’t know what to do about it. That seems unfair, and it does not honor the relationship you have shared these many years. What might it be like to open a dialogue that celebrates the time that you’ve had together and opens up a discussion about what you each want for your remaining years? If you haven’t let your husband know that you aren’t satisfied with the status quo, you have not given him, nor you, an opportunity to see if your relationship can change. What I hear you saying is that while you love your husband, have a generally positive relationship, and are companionable, you feel as if there is something missing from your relationship, something you do not want to do without for the rest of your life. To Leave or Not to Leaveīefore I jump straight to the heart of your question-to divorce or to not divorce-I’d like to take a moment and encourage you to consider some intermediate steps. but I can't seem to escape this feeling that there's something more than this, and I'm seeing time slip-sliding away. So maybe I should just be happy with what I have. I know we have it better than some long-time couples-we get along, don't really fight much, we've raised great kids who treat us with respect, and we're in good shape financially as our retirement years near. I do love my husband, always have, but I don't think I'm in love with him. And it's not that I'm experiencing some sort of sexual dysfunction I still harbor deep cravings and I see men all the time I'm attracted to in that way. Our interests are quite divergent, we barely talk about anything other than big stuff (bills, vacations, errands, etc.), he hasn't come on to me in years, and I don't think I'd respond to him if he came on to me today. ![]() He's a good man and a good father, but I'm not attracted to him at all. Twenty-two years into our marriage, I just don't feel any spark for him anymore. He hasn't cheated on me, I'm sure about that, nor have I cheated on him. I'm wrestling with whether to ask my husband for a divorce. How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work.Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists.Practice Management Software for Therapists.
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